To the beach and insanity!
by Shirosenshi Kisetsu 116
Summary: Lazard orders Zack on vacation after Angeal's death, and has requested Cloud and Kunsel go along with him to keep him entertained. But will Kunsel and Zack drive Cloud to insanity? Read and find out! Kind of yaoi-ish...Well it is but... ZackxCloud
1. Chapter 1

So this is just a short chapter. The others will be longer I promise!

There are a few things I would like to point out.

This takes place after Angeal dies, and Zack goes on vacation for a while

Cloud and Kunsel go with him, because I love Cloud and Kunsel....

Cissnei and Reno have been switched, because Reno can add more humor to anything

This is Yaoi! Well... Kind of, don't expect any smex scenes because I can't write them, but if you wish to write one for me, I can insert it in here...

And lastly... This is kind of a sequel to my one shot 'Always Zack' So if you read it, then you're all set!

* * *

Cloud wiped at the sweat that was accumulating on his forehead. Out of all the things they could have used for transportation, it had to be a truck. He covered his mouth as another wave of nausea washed over him.

"Hey, you okay Cloudy?"

The blond was too sick to get angry at his stuck nick name, so he settled for mumbling something that could have been - "I get motion sickness very easily."

Zack chuckled and gave the cadet a friendly noogie.

The movement only served to upset Cloud's stomach further, so he pushed Zack away quickly and leaned on the crate next to him.

"Sorry about dragging you with me Cloudy, but director's orders I guess..."

Cloud flinched as he thought about his reason for being there.

* * *

A gentle rain had started falling.

Cloud shifted, the wound he had was superficial, barely a scratch. But it still hurt. _I wonder where Zack went?_ He looked up from the place he was resting. The rain ran down his cheeks like warm tears. _Somethings not right..._

And as Zack shuffled over towards him, shuffled, not his usual happy bounce, and looked at him with tear filled eyes and a frown, not his usual happy exterior, he knew he was right.

For once, Cloud didn't push him away as Zack pulled him into a hug.

-----

"He will need supervision encase he tries to do anything stupid... That's why I'm sending you two, along with two of the Turks. Your job is to keep his mind entertained. Which shouldn't be all that hard knowing Zack."

They all saluted. "Yes Lazard sir!"

"Dismissed."

And so Cloud's current mission was to travel to Costa del sol with Kunsel, the really scary and perverted 2 nd class, and Zack, the overly huggy first class. Poor Cloud...

Kunsel slung an arm over Cloud's shoulder as they exited the director's room. "So it's just me, you, Zack and a bunch of Turks on vacation for two weeks eh?"

Cloud brushed him off. "I guess so sir."

"Hm... Cloud Strife? I've heard a lot about you... But I think it could use a little more research." He ruffled the blond spikes before walking away. "We're going to have a lot of fun spiky. I can't wait to know you."

* * *

"Hey Cloudy? You're zoning out on me!" Zack shook him.

"Zack, maybe you shouldn't touch him, he gets motion sickness very easily." Kunsel smiled at him slyly.

"And you know this how?" Zack's eye widened in horror. "Don't tell me.... You're stalking him!" Zack hugged the cadet and hissed at him.

"I don't stalk people, I just like knowing everything about them."

"And just how much do you know about Cloud?"

Kunsel took a deep breath. "Cadet first year, Cloud Strife, home town is Nibelheim. He has a mother, but no father, and no siblings. Favorite color is Black. Favorite animal is the chocobo. Also has a crush on a girl named Tifa. An-

Zack threw up his arms in defeat. "Ok! We get it! Jeez..."

The sick feeling that washed over Cloud had nothing to do with the movement of the truck.

"It also helps that I read his entire diary..."

The truck chose that moment to come to a stop.

Cloud was the first one out. The two SOLDIER's watched as the poor cadet tried to get over his sickness.

Zack bounced over to him. "Say Cloudy! Let's go pick out our rooms! We can lock Kunsel down in the basement if he creeps you out."

Kunsel put a hand over his heart. "Oh Zack, how cruel you are, my heart it bleeds."

"Maybe you should lay off the loveless."

Cloud smiled. _Well at least he's acting like his old self._

They walked toward the vacation house. The sound of waves greeted them. Cloud had never seen the ocean before, so when he caught a glimpse of it, his mouth fell open. "That's the ocean? Holy..."

Zack grinned. "Big eh? I can't wait to get in the water!"

"I can't wait to see you in nothing but swim shorts."

"Cloudy, watch your back around this guy."

Kunsel opened his bag and took out a camera. "Or your ass more specifically. Say cheese."

They all were blinded by the flash.

"Now Zack, get into those swim shorts so I can take a few more pictures."

* * *

I'll write the next chapter up today, but I won't post it until I get a few reviews xD Yes I'm just that evil~


	2. Chapter 2

Cloud was without a doubt, in hell.

If Zack waking him up at six in the morning declaring with much enthusiasm that the day was wasting away and it was time to get up wasn't bad enough. Kunsel coming in afterwards and forcing him into his swim shorts (Also threatening to make him wear something much more embarrassing if he didn't agree) took the cake.

He sighed irritably while poking a clump of seaweed with his toe. _They're not even out here... _

Zack somehow must have heard Cloud's inner thoughts, cause chose that moment to skip over to him.

"Hey Cloudy! Sorry I took so long. Kunsel hid my clothes... Probably hoping I would go naked."

_Note to self: Hide suitcase as soon as I get back to the room..._

"Zack? Are we really going in there? It looks pretty cold..."

"Well of course! Don't worry! Your body goes numb after a while, and you don't feel anything!"

_Another note to self: Never go swimming with Zack or Kunsel in the ocean..._

Zack grabbed his wrist. "Come on Cloudy! We don't have to wait for the stalker! Let's get in!"

Cloud immediately started to struggle. "No Zack, we should wait! He might get upset if we leave him alone."

The SOLDIER ignored him and scooped him up bridle style running full speed towards the water.

Cloud had to hold back a rather girlish shriek as Zack launched himself as far as he could.

"Hold your breath Cloudy!"

He tried to do just that, but they were already under the water.

_Ahh! Cold! Get me out! Kill Zack!_

When they surfaced, Zack was laughing hysterically and shivering like crazy.

"Oh man, that'll wake you up. Eh Cloudy?"

He looked down to see Cloud holding onto him like he was his only life line. Which was kind of true since...

"Strife can't swim."

Zack yelped and turned to face Kunsel. "Oh... Hey Kunsel! Dude don't do that, you almost gave me a heart attack."

Kunsel shrugged. "SOLDIER's can't have heart attacks, so I wouldn't be too worried about that if I were you."

"Ok... I really don't want to know how you figured that out..." He pet Cloud's head, the poor cadet was shaking so hard, it looked like he was having a seizer.

"Hey Zack, wanna know a secret about me?" Kunsel winked at him suggestively.

But Zack being Zack, really didn't know when he should keep his mouth shut.

"Sure!"

Kunsel swam over to him and gave him an awkward one armed hug. "I'm not wearing anything right now..."

Zack laughed nervously. "Is that so?"

Cloud had gone very still.

Both Kunsel and Zack poked him.

With a very blank expression, the cadet turned towards the shore and swam like a shark was after his ass.

Zack had to hold back a laugh. "Well I guess he knows how to swim now..."

* * *

Cloud collapsed in the sand as soon as he got to the shore. _Ok... I go to my room and lock myself in there..._

"Hey it's a cadet yo."

He looked up to see a Turk with spiky red hair. _Great, a Turk._

The Turk nudged his head gently with his shoe. "Where's the puppy? I'm supposed to be watching him yo."

Cloud pointed to the ocean. "He's out there with Kunsel."

"How preoccupied do you think he is?"

Cloud thought about the very naked perverted 2 nd class, and the very dense 1 st class. "A lot probably."

"Good, let's go get laid yo." The Turk pulled a very confused Cloud to his feet. "The name's Reno by the way."

_Laid???! Why do I always attract these types of people? _

"I don't think that's a good idea! My...boyfriend will get pretty mad if he finds out!"

"And who's your boyfriend? Someone weak right? Someone I could easily kill in a fight? I ain't scared of any boyfriend yo."

_Think, think, think! _

"Actually-

"Cloudy! Are you going to make breakfast?" Zack was skipping towards them.

"It's Zack."

Reno let go of Cloud like his hand was on fire. "Oh sorry yo!" He pushed Cloud into a very (once again) confused Zack's arm's. "I didn't know you two were together yo. Breakfast? I can do that! You stay out here yo."

Zack was still in a slight state of confusion. "Cloudy? What was that about?"

Kunsel walked over them with a towel wrapped around his waist. "I think our dear Cloud has something to confess Zack."

Cloud blushed, which really didn't help the situation. "Err..." _That was stupid! Now everyone's going to think I like him. Why me?_

Zack's eyes lit up as he finally caught on to the situation. "Cloudy? Where you gonna ask me out?"

Cloud didn't answer, but the blush on his face deepened, giving both men the answer.

Zack picked him up in a giant bear hug and twirled around the beach. "You're so romantic! Waiting until we got to a beach! We're you gonna tell me as the sun was setting? That would have made me cry!"

Kunsel face palmed. "Zack, what is it with you and cliche's?"

The SOLDIER placed Cloud back on his feet and ruffled his hair. "Ok Cloudy, ask me!"

Cloud gulped loudly and tried not to cry. "Zack... I was wondering..." _Wondering if that seashell is sharp enough to slit my throat..._

He looked into Zack's eyes which were shinning with happiness, and he though back to that day when his eyes were filled with nothing but tears and sadness. That broken expression scared him. _I don't want to see that look again... If it makes Zack happy... I guess I can deal with it..._

"Would you be my boyfriend?"

The answering smile was so big, Cloud was surprised Zack's face didn't crack in half. "Of course I would Cloudy! This means you can move all your stuff in my room!"

_What?_

"And we get to sleep together!"

_What?_

"And you're not allowed to see any other guys except me!"

_Not like any other guys like me..._

"And you also have to wear a bikini next time we go swimming!"

"No! Why would I have to do something like that?"

"Because you're my boyfriend!"

Kunsel pulled a video camera out of nowhere and started taping. "I have a feeling I'm going to need this over the next few days. Now pucker up Strife."

Zack picked the cadet up and kissed his lips gently. "I love you Cloudy."

Cloud wrapped his arms around Zack and nuzzled his throat. _This isn't too bad... He smells really nice..._

Kunsel had to ruin the moment though, it was his job. "Make sure you two have wild sex so I can tape it and sell it when we get back.

On second thought, Cloud was in hell. If you ever were told to go to hell, you would look up the name Cloud Strife and find his location.

* * *

That took longer then I thought it would! Exams are to blame people... And that Zelda fic I haven't updated since... November? O.o I have to go finish that one now! Hopefully the new chapter for this will be up sometime soon, but no promises~


	3. Chapter 3

Birds chirping is what Cloud woke up to. Birds, and the sun shinning through the window warming the room, making it feel like heaven. _I must be back home in Nibelheim._

He rolled over to his other side and literally came face to face with a very muscular male chest._Er...._

"No... My... Choco...bo..." Strong arms encircled him and squeezed gently.

_Right... I'm still on vacation with Zack. But why am I in the same bed with him?_

He thought back to what happened the day before, and how he asked Zack to be his boyfriend. _Oh..._

"Come on Strife, at least give me a little show. I deserve that much after going through all the trouble of taking both your clothes off."

Cloud looked above him to see Kunsel standing there with a camera and a goofy grin on his face.

The blond gave him his best imitation of Sephiroth's glare. "The day I give you a show on camera is the you get a date with Sephiroth, or any one for that matter."

"I take it you're not a morning person?"

Zack opened one eye. "Is it time to get up already?"

Kunsel pointed the camera at him. "That's right Zack, now sit up and give us a big stretch showing all those sexy muscles so I can post it on the Shinra website."

Zack shrugged then stretched, winking at him as he did so.

Cloud covered the camera lens with his hand. "So this is how we promote SOLDIER?"

His hand was removed from the lens with a grumble. "Yeah, but I'm sure we would promote it better if..." He gave Zack a look.

Some unvoiced communication passed between the two men, and Cloud had just enough time to turn and see Zack give him a mischievous smile before he was pushed onto his back and his lips were completely dominated by the first class.

"That's right Zack, work it my friend. I could defiantly make a small business off you two."

Cloud waved his arms wildly, his face going red as a tomato. _I'm going to kill Kunsel, I don't care if he's a second class, I will find a way!_

"Breakfast is ready yo- oh... Well, this is a nice sight to wake up to." Reno was leaning against the doorway, his eyes glued to the SOLDIERs. "You guys have the sex drives of dogs yo."

Kunsel pointed the camera at him. "And Turks have the sex drives of monks."

Cloud finally managed to un glue Zack's lips from his and instead opted between looking out the window and Zack's extremely happy face. "What's for breakfast again?"

"My specialty." The Turk threw Zack off of him and picked him up bridle style, carrying him towards the kitchen. "Assassinated eggs on toast."

* * *

If there were two things in the world that Cloud did not want to do, it would be failing SOLDIER and dressing in any way, as a girl.

Unfortunately he was currently doing the later.

He failed to notice the looks that were being passed between Reno, Kunsel, and Zack at the table during breakfast, and thus he was carried off into Zack's room and forced (At gun point courtesy of Reno, though the gun wasn't actually loaded) to change into a very skimpy two pieced bathing suit.

And it was pink, Cloud's most unfavorite color.

"Come on Cloudy! Get over here and strut your stuff." Zack waved him over towards the beach chairs where he was relaxing.

"I'm coming..." He stopped and looked at the umbrella that was tipped on it's side. "Kunsel, I can see you hiding there with that camera."

"Man Strife, you're such a killjoy." Kunsel slid out from behind the umbrella, still pointing the camera at him. "If I didn't know you were a guy, I would defiantly mistake you for girl."

The blond bit back the reply he was thinking and wandered over to Zack who was now sipping on what looked like an alcoholic drink. He waved his hips slightly as he passed the second class.

Kunsel was undoubtedly pressing the 'zoom in' button.

Zack held his arms open, and Cloud, with out complaint, sat on his lap and allowed him to hug him.

"Zack? Why do I have to wear this?" He looked at the raven haired man and pouted. "It's embarrassing..."

The SOLDIER blinked several times confused before leaning down and whispering. "You could always go naked."

"Oh yes, please do."

They both looked over to see Kunsel's video camera right in their faces.

Cloud stood and made his way back to the house. "I'm going to get changed."

Reno, who had just finished getting changed and had rushed out to observe Cloud in his bikini, pouted as the chocobo walked back into the house.

"Why am I always left out of all the good stuff yo?"

Kunsel shrugged. "Because you're a Turk maybe, and no one really likes you."

Zack had to tackle the red head before he killed someone, or Kunsel more specifically.

"Hurry up Cloudy! We're going to play volleyball in a sec."

* * *

It was a battle of the ages, on one side stood Cloud and Kunsel. And on the other, Zack and Reno.

Zack had managed to grab a couple more drinks thanks to a certain Turk, and was now looking a little unsteady on his feat.

The SOLDIER wobbled and Reno was forced to grab a hold of him to keep him standing up. _Ok... Maybe a little more then a 'little' unsteady... What the hell did Reno give him?_

He turned to Kunsel who was watching the whole scene with an amused expression on his face.

"Hey Kunsel? Where's your camera, I don't see you holding it."

"Now how, pray tell, would I be able to play volleyball while tapping it?"

Cloud shrugged.

"I can't... That's why I have a few set up all over the area."

The cadet let his eyes wander around, but he couldn't locate any of the offending devices.

"Oh, you'll never find them. They don't call me a professional for nothing."

The only thing Cloud could think of at that moment was... _Professional what?_

"I'm serving yo!"

Reno jumped and hit he ball, almost tripping over Zack who somehow ended up under his feet.

Kunsel hit the ball back over the net, he looked very ... bored...

Zack quickly stood up and went for the ball, but he was running in the total opposite direction, which was towards the ocean, at top speed.

Reno took over and hit the ball towards Cloud. "Man, I might as well play by myself."

Cloud raised his hands and...

**Bang!**

"Oooo! Head shot!" The Turk started a random victory dance, slapping his ass at the other two.

Grumbling, Cloud threw the ball to Kunsel. _Hey... Where's Zack?_

As if on cue, Zack walked back into the scene, now supporting what looked like a crown of seaweed in his hair.

"You guys? Why is the world spinning?"

He looked at Cloud and his face lit up.

"Wow! There's like... 1... 6... 14... 5! There's five Cloudy's all for me!" He stumbled over to him and glomped him, which soon lead to Zack collapsing on top of him.

"Zack... you're crushing me!" Cloud tried feebly to shove the exhausted SOLDIER off him for what seemed like the twentieth time that day, but failed miserably.

Kunsel was the one who decided to save him, lifting Zack up onto his shoulders with apparent ease. "Reno? Did you by any chance give him the drink we SOLDIER's call mako would you?"

Reno laughed nervously. "No... It's not like I was planning to knock the puppy out so I could steal his uber sexy emo uke of a boyfriend and have him all to myself tonight..."

Cloud face palmed.

"That's..." Kunsel had to pause to find the right words. "The best idea I've ever heard..."

* * *

I am so sorry for not updating this fic, can you say writers block?

And it bugs me! It doesn't flow nicely!

Meh...

I don't think I'll be updating this until I finish my other two Zelda fics, sorry!


	4. Chapter 4

A pained moan awoke Cloud out of his blissful slumber. He rolled over onto his other side and much to his surprise (not) he saw a raven haired man laying beside him.

Said raven haired man was gripping his head and whimpering pathetically, he mumbled out something that could have been, "I'm never accepting alcohol from Reno again." But it was hard to tell.

Cloud decided to spare him the pain, and he reluctantly got out of his warm bed and trudged over the the window and closed the blinds.

"Thanks Cloudy." Zack held open his arms and Cloud gladly slipped into them, sighing in content as he snuggled up to the drool worthy chest of Zack the Fair.

A pounding at the door startled both of them.

"Hey, Strife! It's Ok to come out now! Me and Reno aren't going to do anything to you." More knocking followed.

Zack whimpered letting go of Cloud and taking hold of the pillows behind him and covering his face. "Kunsel, you got two seconds man... two seconds until you have a very hungover and sickly Zack chasing after you. And when I mean sickly, I mean it in a way that you'll be needing a long shower after I'm done with you."

Cloud bit his lip to stifle the giggles that was threatening to become full out laughter.

The other side of the door was quiet for a few seconds, and then. "I think I liked the times that I needed a shower for a _good _reason when you were done with me."

Cloud stopped his giggles and shivered. _That's not a good picture to keep inside of my head._

There was a moment of awkward silence before Reno began laughing hysterically. "Yo, nice one Kunsel."

With a sigh, Zack stood and began dressing himself. Not caring that he was attempting to put on Cloud's shorts, which really weren't big enough for him.

The lock on the door clicked, and the door flew open.

Reno was kneeling, holding up a small wire and a triumphant look on his face. "See! I told you I could pick any lock, yo!"

Kunsel walked into view, a bored and unimpressed expression on his face. "Yes, all hail the mighty Turk, who probably only uses that talent to sneak into peoples rooms and rape them, seeing as he could never get laid any other way."

He stopped when he saw Zack, still trying to fit into the shorts. "Umm... Zack... I think those are Strife's..."

Zack looked down at them, as if noticing for the first time that they were definitely the wrong size and pouted. "Damn, you know you're still asleep when..." He detached the clothing article from himself and handed them to Cloud.

Cloud accepted them and held them out, shaking them. The sand fell everywhere. He frowned. _I hate the beach... Well no, actually, just the sand._

"I guess you'll just have to go around naked." Kunsel said wriggling his eyebrows.

Cloud quickly when over to the other side of the bed and pulled out his suitcase, rummaging through it until he found a new pair of shorts, then he held them up victoriously.

All the men grumbled.

Kunsel knelt down beside Reno and whispered. "After he leaves the room, we're stealing that suitcase."

Reno nodded.

"Would someone please grace me with the presence of Tylenol?" Zack asked to no one in particular.

* * *

Cloud was amazed. He was laying down on on of the comfy beach chairs _enjoying_ his day, and the guys were nowhere to be seen. It was already 12:00 and they hadn't even tried anything to get him to show more skin then was necessary. And when he meant more skin, what he really meant was that they hadn't tried to get him to go naked yet.

_Why me? Zack's got a nice body! Why don't they make him walk around with nothing on! I wouldn't mind..._

As if the 'great goddess' was listening to his thoughts, Zack walked over to him with his usual happy smile. And the only thing he didn't have on were his clothes. "Heya Cloudy, I made Reno and Kunsel go to the nearest store to buy some things for the bonfire tonight, so we're all alone!"

Cloud immediately averted his gaze, a fierce blush heating up his face. "Zack... Why aren't you wearing anything?"

Zack sat on the available chair next to him, laughing nervously. "Uh... Well, you see... They stole all of my clothes."

Cloud let out the breath he didn't know he was holding in, relieved that the reason Zack was naked, had nothing to do with taking their new relationship 'further'. "Why were they invited along again? It's not like they're making this vacation enjoyable."

Zack picked up a noodle float that was laying in the sand beside him and attempted to cover himself with it, but every position he tried ended up looked really wrong. He gently whacked Cloud with it, who had started to laugh when he noticed the awkwardness of Zack's situation. "Well at least they didn't steal your clothes..." _Yet..._

"Would it surprise you if I said I hopped Kunsel caught that one on camera?" Cloud snatched the noodle out of his boyfriends hands and hit him back with it.

"Did some one say 'Kunsel catching things on camera'? Because if you did... That _is _my job."

Cloud almost let out a rather embarrassing yelp as he was hugged from behind by the scary SOLDIER.

"And just so you know... I did happen to catch all that on tape. In fact, I was watching it while I was tapping it." He released Cloud and patted Zack on the head. "I've already thought of a title for it... It shall be called 'Zack and his Noodle'. And yes it's meant to sound suggestive."

Reno appeared on scene, his hands full of bags. "Dude I would buy that just because of the title."

"Well of course, who wouldn't want to see something like that? Noodle... Man I kill myself." He quickly picked Cloud off his chair and placed him on Zack's lap. "Though I'd rather see something like this."

Cloud shrugged. "This doesn't bother me." He snuggled into Zack who wrapped his ams around him.

"Reno, the 'subject' is getting harder to embarrass. We'll need to step things up a notch." Kunsel inched away from them and towards the house.

"Affirmative yo, Kunsel, you go up to the house and carry out tactic 2-F-77."

Zack and Cloud stared at them both with narrowed eyes.

"Alright puppy, while Kunsel's carrying out his mission, why don't you start the bonfire yo?" Reno handed him some paper and a lighter. "Me and Cloud will go collect some drift wood."

Without waiting for an answer, he pulled Cloud out of his arms and walked off determinedly with him.

"We're on a mission yo~ A mission to find wood~"

"Why are you signing?" Cloud asked, picking up the nearest piece of wood.

"It's the mission song yo!" Reno swung a stick around dramatically. "I just made it up like, half a minute ago."

Cloud rolled his eyes. "A genius you are..."

* * *

Holy Shiva, can you say writers block the size of the fourth dimension? I still have it too. I wrote this much in the last couple of months... yeah.. pathetic.

So please don't kill me, and if you must blame someone~~~~ Blame my rping buddies who have drained all of my creative juices with our random Gundam 00 rp.

Meh...

Apologies if this isn't as funny as the last few chaps.

Am I the only one signing Reno's random song right now to the '99 bottles of beer on the wall' music? O.o


	5. Chapter 5

Zack quietly tip-toed his way down the hall and stopped in front of the doorway that lead outside. Kunsel was nowhere in sight (Probably still carrying out whatever tactic 2-F-77 was) and he was very glad of that fact since he had just snuck into the second class's room and stole some swim shorts from him.

"Not that I mind walking around naked, but I almost burned unmentionable parts while lighting that bonfire…"

He observed his surroundings carefully, then seeing no one in sight he ran down the ramp that lead to the beach and almost tripped when his feet made contact with the sand. _Infiltration in Kunsel's room… Success!_

He made it back to the fire just in time to see Cloud and Reno returning from their wood collecting journey. Zack chuckled when he saw Cloud seriously annoyed face. _I don't blame him… Reno does have a habit of pissing everyone off…_

The spiky haired SOLDIER bounced over to Cloud with a huge grin on his face. "Cloudy!"

As if knowing what Zack was about to do, Cloud dropped his bundle of wood just as Zack swept him off his feet and into his arms. "Aww! Cloudy! You look so cute when you're mad!"

"Oh come on yo! Where did ya get the shorts?" Reno pointed a stick at Zack's currently dressed figure. "I thought me and Kunsel got all your clothes yo…"

Zack stopped hugging his chocobo to pout at Reno. "You guys are mean, stealing all my clothes! So I had to-

"Go in my room and steal my swim shorts…" Kunsel said cutting the puppy off, he walked over to the trio, his usual lazy expression unchanged.

"I caught subject 'z' sneaking his way into my room while I was preparing tactic 2-F-77 and decided to ignore him."

Kunsel reached over to gently tap Zack on the nose. "I thought I told you that I see everything…"

Zack gave his friend the infamous puppy pout as he placed Cloud back on his feet. "You're so mean Kunsel, why don't you go stalk someone else for a change?"

"And loose about half the ratings I have? Yeah right." Kunsel sauntered off.

_He's probably going to set up some more cameras or something. _Cloud thought as he picked up his forgotten wood and placed it in a pile near the fire.

"You call that a bonfire yo? Looks more like a camp fire." Reno said while using his stick again to poke at the flames. "It needs a little something…"

He turned and ran towards the house at top speed, almost knocking over one of Kunsel's cameras in the process.

"So much for the stealth of the Turk's." Kunsel said while quickly fixing his abused camera before any more damage could be inflicted.

Cloud grabbed his chair which had been situated in the general vicinity of the bonfire and pulled it back a couple feet. "I have a bad feeling about this." He told Zack who was also pulling chairs back.

Zack slid over to Cloud's chair and sat himself down pulling Cloud on his lap. "Me too Cloudy. But don't worry, I'll protect you!" He nuzzled his face into the spiky blond hair and sighed. "Anyone ever tell you you're beautiful Cloud?"

Cloud blushed. "N-no!" He squeaked when Zack leaned down to nibble on his neck. "Zack stop! You're giving Kunsel a free show!"

Zack stopped immediately and turned to glare at said Kunsel.

Kunsel waved at them, he was of course, holding a camera and tapping the whole thing. "Don't mind me."

Reno chose that moment to reappear carrying a small cardboard box. "Man, this is kind of a waste, but I'm a pyro, and I like fire!" He reached in to the box and pulled out a bottle of what appeared to be rum. "We're on a mission yo~! A mission to make fire~!"

Kunsel, Cloud and Zack watched in horror as Reno carelessly threw the glass bottle of liquor into the fire while laughing like a maniac.

The bottle shattered and an eruption of flames soon followed.

"Yay! Fire!" Reno ran over to the wood pile and threw half of the sticks on, then ran back to the box and threw several more bottles at it.

Zack picked Cloud up bridal style and ran and hid behind Kunsel. "The Turk has finally snapped!"

Kunsel and Cloud both nodded silently.

The fire had grown to a considerable size, Reno finally stopped throwing the bottles at it, and was currently doing some sort of tribal dance around the flames, yelling and whooping like some possessed person.

Kunsel checked his cameras to make sure they were alive and recording. "I can't wait to show Tseng how his subordinates act when he's not around…"

Reno turned his back on the fire for a split second and the fire took the chance to attack the young Turk in the best way it knew.

"My ass! My ass is on fire yo!"

Reno was now flailing around the bonfire, using his hands to try and dose the flames.

"There _is _a huge ocean behind you dumb ass." Kunsel said not even bothering to look up from his task of stabbing marshmallows on a stick.

Reno (still flailing) ran over to the water and dived into it.

"Zack," Cloud said pulling on a stay black spike of hair, "how did you meet this moron.

"I have no idea Cloudy…"

They watched as Kunsel roasted his marshmallows contently, and Reno (like some bog monster) emerged from the ocean, dripping wet.

Kunsel offered a marshmallow to Reno who accepted it gratefully.

"I should make a show." Kunsel said offering a marshmallow to Cloud and Zack. "It shall be called… 'SOLDIERs and Turks gone wild."

Reno, who was chewing on his treat sadly replied, "I don't think it'll sell a lot of copies yo…"

* * *

I finally updated this! Hehe~

I know it's not as funny, because I didn't laugh at all… And I know its short… But it's the best I can do right now~

I am no longer FF7 addicted, I have moved on very suddenly O.o I know right? (Blame Gundam 00) So it's gonna take me longer to get this finished. (There will be 7 chapters in all)

And those of you who are still curios, you'll find out what tactic 2-F-77 is in the next chapter, I promise!


	6. Chapter 6

Yep, I'm back.

My writers block finally lifted last night and I almost couldn't sleep, I was too damn excited to write this hehe

But I must add something, instead of having 7 chapters, I think I'll end it with this one, because I'm afraid I'll die again, hopefully this chapter will be long...

* * *

Kunsel had made sure that Zack and Cloud were peacefully sleeping by the now, slightly smaller fire... before he dragged Reno back to the house and threw him in his room.

"Ok Turk, here's the deal." Kunsel said while moving around the room and turning on a couple of computers.

Reno was glancing around nervously, trying to decide if he was about to get molested, or shown some top secret SOLDIER stuff.

"I have been slaving over this vital piece of equipment for a while now, and now that it's done, we can get on with tactic 2-F-77."

"Yo dude, you could have at least told me that's what you were bringing me in here for, I almost had a fuckin heart attack." He wiped away the sweat that had appeared on his forehead.

Kunsel rolled his eyes and continued. "I have contacted the President of the 'recently established' Zack Fair fanclub, and she has agreed to distribute my work."

"Wow dude, not too bad." Reno scratched the back of his head in thought for a moment. "Um... Why are we doing this again?"

"Because my dear Turk, it insures me a place in the vice presidents chair for the Zack fanclub, thus allowing me to sell my work faster, like I was doing for the other fanclubs, and also to annoy and embarrass the little Chocobo."

"Oh right..."

Kunsel seated himself in front of one of the computers with a sinister smile on his face. "And she's sending it out... right... now! Go get their cell phones and put them near them."

"Why dude? They gonna get a bunch of mail or somethin?"

"I may have asked her to include their email addresses..."

"Yo man, you're evil."

"I know."

Before Reno could spend anymore time in the presence of Kunsel, he ran out of the room, eager to fulfill his mission. _Oh boy, they're gonna be pissed!_

* * *

Cloud was once again trying to enjoy his slumber, knowing that it would only last for a little while before Kunsel and Reno were off on their next quest to embarrass him and Zack.

He was already having nightmares, trying to imagine what tactic 2-F-77 was, and he secretly hoped it was just a joke to scare him.

All hopes were shattered when his sleep was interrupted by the shrill ringing of... something...

He opened his eyes and looked around trying to locate the object that was being so loud.

It was then he noticed that he had fallen asleep on Zack who was snoring loud enough to wake the dead, he blushed deeply before looking down at his stomach where he found both his phone and Zack's phone laying there.

He picked up his phone first and opened it.

_Who in the hell would message me this late at night? _

His question was answered as he read the names of the first few senders, they were all from his cadet friends back at ShinRa.

A small wave of panic hit him as he thought about why all his friends would be messaging him at the same time. _Did something happen back at Shin Ra? _He opened the first letter. _They didn't get attacked, did they?_

Subject: What the HELL?

From: Alex

Cloud! Why didn't you tell me you were tapping THE Zack Fair?! I thought we were pals man!

Cloud's expression changed from one of fear, to one of shock. He opened the next one, trying to erase the feeling of dread descending over him.

The next one was also from his friend, and it was much like the first, and the third was like the first two, and so on. Some of them were from people he didn't even know, and he was about to read them all, but then he noticed that he had 110 messages and the number was growing.

Zack shifted beneath him and grumbled out something before reaching for his phone and looking at it still half asleep. "Huh? I didn't know you were a pedo....?"

Zack gave the device a 'what the hell?' look and continued reading, trying to figure out if he was dreaming, or he was conscious.

Cloud stood up, his phone was still beeping like crazy as he clutched it in his right hand. _There's only two people I know who could have given out the information..._

"Oh Shit! I got mail from Seph!"

Zack was standing up now too, staring down at the phone in horror. "Okay, now I know this is a nightmare!"

"Yo you two, what's happenin?"

Reno and Kunsel decided to enter the scene at that moment, hoping they would see some sort of hilarious reaction from the two lovers.

And Kunsel, of course, was carrying his camera.

Zack looked at them, then looked at his phone, putting two and two together. "It was you! Kunsel? Do you know who just emailed me? Sephiroth did... and he wasn't too happy either..."

Kunsel tilted his head to the side, taking in this new information. "Hmm... So the general is a fan too? This is news that I could sell..."

Zack went back to his phone, flipping through the numerous messages, looking for a certain one.

"Aha! At least I have someone on my side! Luxiere says that he still believes in me, and that I should give you a beating for being so perverted!" He placed his hand on his hips triumphantly before asking in a quiet voice, "what did you send them anyway?"

"I might have showed them some clips from all of our adventures together over the last few days."

Cloud paled. _They saw...THAT?! _Images of all the cuddling and kissing popped into his head, he felt like he was going to cry.

"I made sure to leave out any of the too good stuff, seeing as I'll be able to make money off it, but other then that... there was a lot of good stuff in that five minute video."

Reno chuckled and turned to give the perverted SOLDIER a high five.

The sound of Cloud's beeping phone was silenced as the small cadet crushed it so hard, it broke.

Zack chose to back away, knowing that Cloud was about to go all out.

Kunsel readied his camera and pointed it towards Reno who looked at him confused.

"What? You don't think he's going to come after me do you? He's smart, he'll go after the weaker one, you for instance..."

Reno was about to reply, but he found himself unable to as he was tackled to the ground by a raging cadet.

Kunsel stepped back so he could get the whole thing on tape.

The two of them wrestled in the sand for a few seconds, before the Turk broke free and started running as fast as he could, quickly followed by an angry storm Cloud.

"YO! Why are you chasing me?! I barely did anything!" Reno tried hiding behind Zack, but Zack stepped out of the way, trying to avoid the wrath of Cloud.

"Someone has to die here, and it might as well be you!" Cloud tackled the Turk to the ground and started rubbing sand into his hair.

Kunsel was full out laughing now, trying to wipe away the tears the were gathering in his eyes. "This is great, now we know where the rank of the Turks is."

Zack slid over and stood behind him, intent on using Kunsel as a shield if the situation required it. "Let me guess, they're under the cadets, right?"

"Naturally..."

**Soon afterwards...**

Sephiroth stepped out of the transportation vehicle, and put on the scariest face he could manage. He wanted Fair to know exactly how mad he was with this whole predicament, not only was every ShinRa employee too preoccupied with gossip to do their jobs, every SOLDIER they had was acting like a crazed fangirl as well.

He strode over to the vacation house and was about to knock on the door, when he noticed two figures laying against the wall, slouched over.

He stuck out his foot and poked the nearest one.

The person grumbled and pushed his foot away, before finally realizing where he was and looking up into the scary face of the general.

"Oh shit man... I'm screwed."

"Indeed you are Turk. I hereby hold you responsible for everything that has happened."

"What?! Yo, why do I always get blamed for everything?"

Kunsel used Reno as a support and got to his feet. "It's because you're a Turk..."

Sephiroth nodded in agreement before placing his hand on the door knob and ripping the door off it's hinges and walking inside.

Kunsel quickly pulled out one of his mini camera's since he no longer had one of his better ones, and started recording.

There was banging coming from inside, and a few muffled yelps before the general reappeared carrying a sleepy Cloud over his shoulder, and dragging a now fully awake Zack out by the hair.

"The cadet will be sitting up in front with me to halt any rape-ish motives you might have towards him."

Zack whimpered out something that sounded like he would never do something like that before Sephiroth yanked on his hair and silenced him.

"I also have a lot of paper work lined up for you when we get back, so I doubt you'll be able to see Cloud for a while."

"Oh Seph... You're so mean!" Zack flailed and tried to get the general to let go of his hair, but it wasn't working.

"Not as mean as that paper work that's piling up by the second..." Sephiroth turned to look back at Reno and Kunsel.

"SOLDIER, turn that damn thing off!"

* * *

And I fail at writing Seph... Never again! ;P

Now that this is done, I can try to work on 'Dreaming of a world'

haha... all in good time...

I hope they make another Dissidia game, and they put Zack in it! That would be awesome!

-sniffed-

Good bye my friends~


End file.
